


believe in time

by troublemaker (shoseilovemail)



Category: JO1 (Japan Band)
Genre: Angst I guess, Idk what else to tag rip, M/M, tbh just a shitty drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:54:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24406867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoseilovemail/pseuds/troublemaker
Summary: "I know it's not easy, but... believe in time. "
Relationships: Kimata Syoya/Ohira Shosei
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	believe in time

_chapter I. every day and every night._

They haven't seen each other for so long. Physically, that is. Video calls are possible and Shosei likes to do them quite frequently, but they can never replace the feeling of _actually_ being together. The feeling of holding hands, of hugging, of touching warm skin. Fate has been evil to their relationship, however, Syoya has decided to not give up. He just loves Shosei that much. And Shosei feels the same.

That's why, after a whole 6 months, Syoya is taking the bullet train to Kyoto. He had been saving for quite some time in order to be able to afford the ticket - as a student he just doesn't have much money. Syoya feels relieved as he drops into his seat and relaxes. _Finally_ , he thinks, _finally_. Even if it was just a day that they will be able to spend together, that is worth more than anything else. To stop all the painful longing and waiting for just a few hours is enough.

First he'll have to wait a few more though, until the train arrives. But it's okay because he knows that he'll be able to see Shosei afterwards. That was worth it. So he decides to spent the hours looking out of the window, watching the snowy landscape of Hokkaido dissolve into green. Shosei has sent him pictures of Kyoto's nature before. They looked beautiful. But someone like Shosei can make basically anything look beautiful.

 _"Shosei, don't point with the camera at me. I wouldn't look good. " "Don't say that! ", the blonde photographer laughs. "You'd look beautiful. "_ _"... I don't think so... ", Syoya mubles. "I am not a handsome person. "_

_Shosei is quiet for a moment. Then he walks up to the older one, and puts a hand on his shoulder, smiling reassuringly._

_"I believe that anyone and anything can be beautiful. No, they are beautiful. But sometimes people can't see the beauty, or even they themselves can't, sadly. But it's there. Everyone is inherently beautiful. "_

_"Everyone is... beautiful... ", Syoya repeats quietly._

_"But because some people can't see their beauty, it's my job to show them. That they are beautiful. ", Shosei finishes._

_"And I believe that you are absolutely beautiful, too, Syoya. Now come and smile so that I can show you. "_

_The older nods. He trusts Shosei, as the younger is always kind, patient and gentle with everyone. And is an amazing photographer for sure. He points the camera at Syoya, tells him to adjust his pose here and there, smile - and shoot._

_Syoya feels like his smile was weird so he isn't sure about the outcome. But when Shosei checks the file, his face brightens up, and he runs to Syoya to show him the picture._

_On that day, Syoya learned how beautiful he could be._

The air is warm, different from the cold one back in Hokkaido. Syoya stops a moment on his way to the station's exit to just feel the sensation on his skin. It feels so refreshing. Syoya could stay here forever, but sadly, it just isn't that easy.

He decides to not dwell on that though and moves on, to the place Shosei will meet him at. It's a small park from what Syoya's heard, with a good view onto the many historic buildings and temples of the city.

According to his phone it's just a few minutes left now. Syoya closes his eyes and reminisces. 6 months had felt so long. He had been afraid, so afraid that they might grow apart with the distance, but they did not. He's so relieved now. So relieved that he can see Shosei again.

He immediatly catches the blonde head poking out within the dark green surroundings. Syoya calls his name out as he takes fast-paced steps. With a "Yes? ", his love turns around, and he's faced with the smile he had missed so dearly for 6 months.

_Finally. After longing every day and every night, I can finally see you again._

* * *

_chapter II. a song, for you._

_part 1. please, tell me when you listen._

After all, it had happened. A day seemed to never end, and Syoya wishes that it wouldn't have.

He hasn't seen Shosei ever since.

He doesn't know why, but even through all the laughter, Shosei seemed somehow off that day. But Syoya was too afraid to ask. He didn't want to ruin the good mood.

Maybe he should have asked.

Maybe it would have hurt less then.

He regrets it all so much. He thinks about it every day, wishes he could turn time back, to see Shosei again, but he can't. He's not there anymore. He's now in America to study overseas, as far as Syoya knows.

Shosei didn't respond to any calls or texts from Syoya after that day. After few days, when Syoya listened to the robotic voice a bit more as usual, it informed him that the number was no longer available.

Shosei had changed his phone number, and hadn't told Syoya.

He had cut off contact.

Syoya thinks back so many times a day, asks himself so many times a day,

_why?_

What went wrong? Where? Was it his fault? Hadn't he held on enough?

Or maybe too much?

The thoughts occupied his mind almost always. It seemed like there was no escape of them. So he wrote them down.

Somehow, they turned into lyrics. And eventually... into a song.

_A song for you._

It was hopeless, so hopeless, _he_ was hopeless, but he still sent the audio file to Shosei's old number. That there was just the smallest possibilty that he might still see it, that was enough to motivate him to send it.

It's been two weeks now. Shosei has probably not see it. Or maybe he did? Syoya doesn't know. He just hopes that Shosei will tell him when he listens to it, because when he listens to that song, he will listen to Syoya's heart. And maybe he could understand.

Today Syoya is sitting in that park again, at the same bench. He sighs, and wonders if he's done everything he can now. What should he do now? What's left for him? He believed that maybe he could forget this all with time, but he did not.

He's here again. Where it all began and ended. The place where for him, time stands still. Because he keeps going here to relive the past, never to look for a future. That's all he can do now, he thinks.

_part 2. say yes._

How long has it been? Half a year yet again, almost. Maybe that means something. That they can return. That there's hope for them.

But Shosei knows that there probably isn't.

Not after he cut off contact so suddenly and went to another country. He regrets it sometimes. Was it the right decision? He had felt like they were drifting apart further and further, but maybe he should have held on. Now, it's too late.

 _Why?_ is the question he asks himself every day. Why did he do that, why didn't he stay, why did he come here,

and why is he still keeping that god damm phone.

It's his old phone. Syoya regularly texts him there. Shosei pretends to not see them, he has the reading notification off.

But he always reads them, in secret.

And he cries while doing so.

A lot.

He just wishes that he would've asked Syoya to stay with him that night, _to just stay_ , but he let him go. Maybe that was where he went wrong. It was surely his fault. Syoya had always tried to hold on, but he hadn't put in much effort. And inevitably, Syoya drifted away from him.

Because he let him go. He hadn't tried to hold on. And now he regrets it, so, so much. He even listens to that song Syoya made for him, many times a day, and he cries. He feels that Syoya feels a similar way, but he can't tell him. Even though Syoya asked him to please tell when he listens, he can't. It's too late now.

There's nothing that can bring them together again. The distance between them, both physically and emotionally, has grown too big.

No song, no "yes ", can save them now.

Nothing can.

As he thinks that, his phone buzzes. A new text has arrived, from Syoya. With slightly shaky hands Shosei opens the nessage, and tears already well up with the first few words.

_shosei. i don't know, but maybe, if you're stuck in the same misery as me now, i hope this reaches you._

_every day i wonder_

_after time passes, will i be able to forget this all?_

_i know it doesn't sound easy, but_

_i believe in time._

**End.**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment or find me on [ cc ](https://curiouscat.qa/Shoseilover) or [ twt ](https://twitter.com/shoseilovemail)


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